I am from Ohio and I had no choice but to move here. I had to investigate how humidity and mosquitoes are affecting the drastically declining intellect of South Carolina offspring. Something must be done to save these poor children. Perhaps if enough New Englanders and Ohioans continue to offer up their blood to these insects there will be a balance that doesn’t isolate the South Carolina offspring from the rest of American society. Godspeed for the influx!

We understand why you have no mosquitoes in Ohio. Everyone knows that mosquitoes thrive in and around water, and we also know that NOTHING survives in the polluted waters of Ohio. The Cuyahoga river, what a beautiful bonfire.

From Mark C:

If it weren’t for Ohioans then you woudn’t have any bragging rights in college football. Let me give you an example…”The buckeyes are #1 in the coaches poll this year.” Answer…”yeah well we beat you in the outback bowl!” Hicup, Hicup” Your state, as back assward as it may be, needs Ohioans, and New Englanders. Let me tell you why…Tax base…This little shitty state couldn’t stand on its own two feet if it weren’t for the influx of immigrants. You sir are an asshole and a inbred cookiepuss. Go back to North Charleston and hump your sister while your mother watches your two illiterate kids. I surf better than you, you HO-MO

I’m speechless. Such a fine missive could only come from an upstanding citizen and pillar of our apparently bedraggled tax base. The taxes you pay end up supporting the huge infrastructure needed to deal with the increase of people on our roads, in our schools, and crowding our natural resources. Did you learn to surf in Ohio? Did you learn to spell in Ohio? My two illiterate kids could write a more convincing and intelligent letter.

From Tyler:

What is it that attracts Ohio Yanks to the state of South Carolina?

The bitter atitude (which, yes, sadly still exists - is this a result of inbreeding?) towards the yankees - which subsequently bitch slapped the south during the “Northern Aggression” (SC was the first state that suceded from the Union… nice move - gotta start looking outside your own family tree)

Perhaps it is that lovely sulfuric smell (courtesy of the paper mill) - which nearly engulfs the entire state…

OR

Could it be South Carolina’s highly advanced highway systems - only a mere 20 years behind to date… why is it that southerner’s are notorious for THEIR bad driving?

AH-HAH!

Most likely - it is the education system - which has been ranked in the bottom percentile over and over again… it is a wonder why we steal your jobs… and easy to see why you fear our “views” - cause your lack of knowledge has blossomed into ignorance - or sheer stupidity, one of the two!

Ironically enough, South Carolina’s major industry is tourism - damn that cotton gin!

I could go on and on, but what would be the point? Your head is so far up your hill jack ass to even realize that South Carolina needs the Ohioan’s money… the longer they stay, the more money you can piss away on the lottery - simple economics (got to do something about the school systems!)
Good luck, would hate to see you run into the wrong Ohioan… would be a pity to see the hand of the “Northern Aggression” whoop your inbred ass! Again!

I guess I’d have to get mad if you were going to whup my ass, but since you just want to “whoop” it I’m not sure what to do. And no, we didn’t “suced” from the Union; we did secede, though, to get away from people like you. Maybe our decreasing test scores are due to the influx of illiterate Ohioans, and their collective bad “atitude”.

From G. Raabe:

Dear inevitably unintelligent college student who made this site,

Naturally, I must begin this note by complaining of the dramatically bovine status of your site. I at least expected a few more irrelevant witticisms!? Regardless, I would like to focus on one of the numerous notable flaws of your huge, four page website. You state: ‘They also take up all the parking at the beach and try rather ineptly to surf (Ohio kooks are the worst of all).’ First off, I’d like to share an online chuckle with you that you think your East Coast Bible Belt waves are even worthy of the thought of being surfed by tourists. When Ohioans think of the Carolinas, what generally comes to mind is:

1. My grandma lives there

2. Everyone’s grandma lives there

3. Besides retirement homes, I hear they have bad college football

4. Rednecks

5. I think I’d rather go to Florida. Or anywhere I can understand the dialect

So, though I am sure you enjoy projecting your own image as one of a cool, laid back surfer at times, I would love to wager that neither you, or any of your friends are any less ponderous or oafish atop a longboard than my grandmother, who is most likely looking out of her window laughing at you. The brobdingnagian two and a half foot waves that crash monumentally upon your shores are must have brought you up as a pure-bred surfer, huh? As you are obviously a white, internet inclined person, probably at least mildly overweight, you would look even more awkward walking with a surf board, or anywhere on a beach, than, well, my grandmother. Though I’m sure you will neglect to post this on your ‘Hate Mail’ section, as it intelligently defeats your anti-Ohio effort, I at least hope that you are now more self-concious over your weight problem. Go Buckeyes.

With so much love,

G. Raabe

I have no idea what this site has to do with cows. Or with dramatic cows (Do they act?). Our “huge, four page website” (ah - that must be an example of the irrelevant witticisms you want to see) has grown a bit. If only more invaders thought as you do that South Carolina is a terrible place; perhaps then we would see fewer of you. Unfortunately, that is not the case, and my fine state continues to impress the daylights out of your people. We’d love to help you spread the news to your friends back home that the Carolinas are no place for your kind.