Karma is a Bitch
I was raised in Beaufort and have seen an influx of Ohioans over the
last few years that would rival the swarms of sand gnats that hang
around their heads.A couple of years ago I was at a boat ramp and someone had left their
boat in a nearby tidal creek. The incoming tide had pushed it up in the
creek and then had started to go out leaving the boat high and dry. A
guy fresh from Ohio (you know the type…pasty white legs, dark socks
and sandals, etc.) was putting in his fancy metalflake bass boat and
noticed the boat sitting in the mud. He was studying the situation
intensely but wasn’t saying anything. Finally, he couldn’t stand it
anymore and asked me,“How did the boat get up here?”
I said, “The tide brought it in.”
He said, “Tide who?”
At that point I couldn’t let him go out without at least asking him how
much experience he had boating in saltwater. He huffily informed me that
he had been boating on the Great Lakes for years. He was sure that his
bass boat could handle anything the Atlantic Ocean could throw at him.Eight hours later I was coming back in and he was just getting off large
mudflat. That nice metalflake boat was covered in mud inside and out, he
and his crew (his corn fed 300 lb. wife) were burnt to a crisp, and he
had overheated his engine. I wasn’t too impressed with all his
experience!Good luck with the site!
Bill
Thanks Bill.
June 10th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
i have a person from ohio in my class, i live on the creek and i go out there everyday all day and the person in my class calls the creek a lake and every time she says that i HATE it. and on the creek i have a friend who told me about this site and his parents are in the boat rental/ fishing charter biz and so all of these yankies come and suck at driving at boats. i was there for one day once and i sayed that i would never say there for a full day agean.
i am unhappy about how so many yankies coming to sc,
your ohioian and yankie hater,
AW
June 13th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
It is a fact that people from Ohio cannot understand the concept of tides, or water in general. While running a sailing charter boat, in the Charleston harbor, I was asked questions such as this. These questions are real, as there is no way I could have made this up.
Question #1: “So how do you guys control the tides?”
Response: Oh, well we call Jasper up at the dam, and he turns some valves and the water rushes in and out. Yesterday, he was a little late, as he was taking a nap.”
OH Question #2: “Are the dolphins going to be out today?”
SC Response: Yes, they will meet us over by Ft. Sumter around 3:45.”
OH Question #3: “Why does the water go up and down so much?”
SC Response: “The tidal range if affected by the rotation of the moon around the earth.”
OH: “What?! So really, what is the deal with the water going up and down? I have been here for 3 days and the water level is never the same.”
Ok, so I am totally thrown off, as I gave a legimitate answer for the question. So I respond as such… SC- “I was just messing with you, the moon does not control the tides, it is the dam up in North Charleston…My cousin Jasper runs it…”
OH - “Oh, ok, I see, thank you…”
These transplants are nautically challenged(except 1 I know), and should be feared on the water for their lack of common sense.
As far a yankees go, I don’t give a fuck how you did it up north, or back home. Go back there and complain to your state government about why Ohio sucks so bad. I would rather chop off my own legs, rather than live in yankee land. Robert E. Lee is a direct relative of mine, I am am sure he is turning over in his grave about the influx of northerners coming into our great land.
May lighting strike your yankee house and burn it to the ground.
Go back to OH, and don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out..
June 13th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Ladies and gentlemen, what we see here is a good example of the South-o-saurus. The South-o-saurus is a lumbering, leathery skinned, primitive life form from another time with a walnut sized brain. Like the dinosaur, he is made both physically and mentally for a time that no longer exists. He can’t or won’t adapt to changing times, so therefore is doomed to extinction. Poor South-o-saurus, he doesn’t realize that the world he knew (or thinks he knew) never really existed. Oh sure, there were the sweet years before air conditioning was developed that Yankees wouldn’t live in the South due to the heat and humidity, let alone the rampant poverty. Damn that technology and world economy! Now South-o-saurus must share “his” land with the rest of the country. What’s next, NASCAR on national TV? Too late!
No need to cut off your own legs, the diabetes that attacks the circulation system of you sweet tea swilling baboons will take your limbs on it’s own. Not to worry, you probably will die from a stroke or heart attack before that happens. By the way, due to the ineptness of Robert E. Lee, you LIVE in Yankee land. It’s ours, all ours. Go back to England or wherever your family’s from, if they’ll have you, and don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Tell you what, we’ll let you have Mexico. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
June 26th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
On the contrary, the South-o-saurus is a well adapted creature. It lives well in its environment, but much like any ecosystem, the south is subject to change. Symbiosis is the relationship in change that has attributed to the south’s success( Only ohio women on vacation can attest to this). It is the invasive weed that has made it so hard for the native species to continue flourishing. So with all due respect Sherman, eat a dick.
July 29th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
An Ohioan walks into a Marina Store on Hilton Head Island. He looks outside, AT DEAD LOW TIDE, and states, “Geez, and I thought we were having a drought back in Ohio!” What the fuck? Make it stop.
August 19th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
William Tecumseh Sherman Says:
No need to cut off your own legs, the diabetes that attacks the circulation system of you sweet tea swilling baboons will take your limbs on it’s own. Not to worry, you probably will die from a stroke or heart attack before that happens. By the way, due to the ineptness of Robert E. Lee, you LIVE in Yankee land. It’s ours, all ours. Go back to England or wherever your family’s from, if they’ll have you, and don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Tell you what, we’ll let you have Mexico. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
i just want to reply to this ….
in OHIO the main beverage you are able to order is what? hmmmm Soda oh thats right it is pop to you right and that is so much better for you. As for the stroke and heart attack comments ….my Great Grandmother has lived in SC and drank sweet tea her whole life asshole and she is a picture of perfect health and just so you know she is 93 and still works a full time job not because she has to but because she wants to…so much for our lazy work ethic. What i don’t understand is how you feel that everything is yours….I have spent my whole life in SC with the exception of the eight months i spent in ohio…..i found that there are more special needs people in ohio than SC so how exactly are we inbread? because mental retardation is a sign of imbreading. my next point is were you born here? If not then stop whining about how things are done….it is OUR CULTURE here! the least you could do is try to adapt. My favorite one though is the talk about how unions are so helpful and SC should unionize ha ha ha all i have to say to that is AK STEEL HOW MANY OF YOU LOST YOUR HOMES CARS AND EVERYTHING WHEN YOU WERE LOCKED OUT STILL WANT TO BE IN A UNION? don’t get me wrong i feel bad for those who lost everything but please don’t try to force your ideas on me. The union didn’t get me my job so how the hell would they help me to keep it.
I had the distinct pleasure of being told that i talk funny the other day. That was fun because see i am in the south so if i have a southern accent then i am not the one who talks funny. Oh and i so love hearing the word “please” when you didn’t hear/understand me NOT. When i asked why that was said i was told “God forbid we have manners and say please” so when did “excuse me i didn’t hear you” become rude? or “i am sorry what was that” THOSE ARE NOT RUDE WHEN YOU SAY PLEASE WE ARE GOING TO ASK PLEASE WHAT MEANING WHAT DO YOU WANT?
IN CLOSING IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WAY WE EAT, LIVE, WORK, DRIVE, TALK, OR US IN GENERAL, THEN GO THE FUCK HOME IT IS SIMPLE YOU IF YOU ARE IN HILTON HEAD TAKE 95 TO 26 GET ON 40 TAKE IT TO 640 THEN MERGE ONTO 75 STAY ON 75 AND IT WILL PUT YOU IN CINCINNATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 30th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Jen - I can’t answer all of your rambling incantations, but the statistics show that SC is THE leader in strokes in the nation, and diabetes is rampant. It’s due to the diet.
Jnelson - as far as eating a dick, I will defer to you, the obvious expert.
August 31st, 2007 at 5:55 pm
I have a great idea. Let’s take our pasty white asses down to the SC coast and get burnt to a crisp for a week. Then we can tell the dermatologist how smart we are. Fuck anybody that lives above north carolina.
January 14th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I think my great southern son held the door for you the other day and you didn’t even say “thanks”
typical yankees
February 13th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
All you narrow minded, ignorant “natives” can shove it. I would have never told any other state to leave my former state of residence, because that’s their own damn choice, whether the natives like it or not! I’m not from Ohio, but I will live where ever I please, HOWEVER I please. Got it? If you got a problem with that, shove it up your ass!!!
February 16th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Reply to #10. You might live wherever you want, but you will never be liked. You buckeyes are just a bunch googans with too little sunlight and too many jimmy buffett cds.
March 5th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I was in disbelief when someone from Columbus, OH asked me this question. I thought they were joking, but they actually never had heard of the tide before.
March 14th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Them Ohio people don’t like bangin’ their kin either! Stoopid yankees made us get rid of our slaves too. Those negroes are messin’ everything up now. Let’s purify this state, nuthin’ but inbreedin’, confederate flags and chewin tobacco. Yeehaw!!!
March 16th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
100 to 1 odds that “Cletus” is a dumb fucking Yankee trying pathetically to make SC look like ignorant racists.
March 16th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Get an Ohioan out on the water and ask him to tell you where North, South, East, and West are. It’s hilarious. They have no idea how to reference the sun position and land to get their direction. I love it. Don’t even think about throwing them a curveball by putting tides into the question? “Tide who?” That shit is priceless. Like giving a black man a waterbong!
May 10th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
That is awesome! I am on the tidal waters daily and this story will always make me smile. Here in Murells Inlet we like to watch the Ohioans rent those jet skis and go hauling ass through the inlet. It’s real funny when they fall of the jet skis and discover the oyster beds below. Yeah…There’s a reason noone is in that part of the inlet. Dumbasses!
June 1st, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Now stop that, number 16. Ohioans have the right to surf our beaches if they want to. And we can’t do anything about it. They own us lock stock and barrel - deal with it.
June 6th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I will have to say it again, Ohioans/Yankees don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as a Carolinian; much less surf off our beaches. We own their bitch-asses and they will be leaving soon to retire in Florida. That way they can join the rest of their classless families.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
The only negative thing about this website is that it gives the impression that we only want people from ohio to go back. All yankees need to go back. Some person from NY or Penn. ect. might think we don’t mind them here and thats a huge problem.
This is an disease that is spreading all throughout the south. We need to elect a government official that will make legal immigrants from the north, illegal immigrants.
June 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I stumbled across this site and I must say it is very entertaining!
I respect what you are saying about the Ohioans not knowing a thing about tides and yet, I don’t get the “get the hell out of our state and go back to Ohio” comments? I know that I have pumped tens of thousands of my Ohio dollars into HHI’s economy on the past 15 years. Are your folks on the island not thankful for that? They appear to be every time I pull out my wallet.
The please and thank you comment and how we Ohioans have not manners or respect. I will tell you that this Ohio boy and the family that I am raising say please and thank you and show respect to everyone they encounter in life. “Please” do not judge us Ohioans as a whole “thank you”.
July 4th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
I guess I would hate Ohio to if I was a Carolinian and had to live with these facts:
1. I was a Gamecock fan, it must suck year over year losing. What bowl were yall in this year?
2. 48th in education “well hey bo that is an eprovement ova last year” 49th!
3. Averaged 30 wrecks a day when it rains. I call all my family and friends and tell them a storm coming so that they dont drive with the Carolinians out there.
4. Your economy would be in the dumps if it were not for us, before we moved here and taught the locals economics and the concept of making money, YALL were still using the barter system and confederate monies, but hey if I am not appreciated for the that then please by all means go back to the Redneck ways.
July 4th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
#20-
In case you didn’t notice; the only people that live on Hilton Head are stupid ass Ohio-Yankees such as yourself. The place was developed to bring shit faces like yourself to retire and visit there. So grab yourself another Salty Dog Cafe t-shirt and admire the non-functional lighthouse that is the landmark of that town. Keep on thinking that is a “real” piece of the Carolina Coastline! No self-respecting Carolinian could stand that place for more than a day!
#21
1. It must suck to get your ass kicked by every SEC team you face. P.S.- there is more to life than football in this state; unlike in Ohio.
2. By the way that you Buckeyes drive I would wonder how smart you have to be to get a drivers license.
3. At least we don’t have to drive in snow half the year!
4. Worry about your own economy. Which by the way is falling apart.
Go home and cry Buckeye.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I find it interesting that there is a place on the internet–which joins every continent on this planet together–where people of the same nation are so polarized.
Since the two states feuding are PART OF THE UNITED STATES, and I imagine that every one in both places dutifully pays their taxes, we are all together in a tanking economy.
To borrow a nautical phrase–since I work on a boat & understand how gravity & force at a distance affect my line of work–
“A rising tide lifts all boats.”
Rather than complaining about how dumb the other side is, we should be happy that we have money to blow and free-time to putz around the Charleston Harbor.
@ Responder Number 2: I have worked aboard boats in ten states in this glorious Union. Dumb questions are part of the job & have little to do with geography. People are just morons when it comes to the water.
July 13th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
No Boy; try again. Ohioans generally buy property here, declare residency and get taxed at the lower 4% rate, but then continue to pay auto taxes in the Buckeye state where they save a few dollars. A typical Yankee move.
Our economy is not tanking. In so many areas, South Carolina is bucking national trends in terms of housing, state development, small business growth, etc. Which is precisely why people are moving here. It’s just tough for Yankees to admit this state has a lot going for it!
If you happen to understand tides, you might just be the only Yankee on Earth that does. And if you don’t understand what a threat a novice boater poses on the water, then you better keep your ass on land as well. I have personally seen these big-shot Yankees with more money than brains buy boats they have no business operating and ruin boats at marinas in the South. I personally had one run into my boat and cause bodily harm to my passenger and then pitch a fit because I called the Coast Guard. Bodily injury = a call to the Coast Guard, IT’S THE LAW. I didn’t make the laws. But this Yankee asshole told me what a dumb Southerner I was for calling the CG and making a “big deal over nothing.” The passenger ended up having to have stitches and my boat had a hole in the hull. But I wouldn’t expect anything else from some googan trying their best to impress their friends with their material possessions or acting out their little Lowcountry fantasies.
How can we not complain about YOUR people? You bring nothing to the table. I can’t think of one positive contribution that a Yankee has made to the state of SC. Go home and take your relatives with you.
July 13th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Wow.
That little bit of vitriol was in no way irrational, unprevoked, or rude.
As a professional mariner, I spend nearly every day on the water, observing the rules of the road, making sure our passengers are safe an have a good time. Please, do not try to tell me that the nearly endless parade of shirtless boys & girls in their centre-consoles, swilling beer & blaring Wham or Marshall Tucker are any brighter than weekend warriors in any other state of the Union. Have been waked by boats from Manteo, Chicago, Fort Lauderdale, and the Isle of Palms. It is astounding how some people cannot see a 90 foot boat twenty feet astern until a set of Kahlenbergs announces it presence. This has happened in Chicago, in the ICW, and the Ashley River.
Sadly, have not noticed any differentiation in jerks & idiots based on their latitude. If such were the case, would have relocated over a decade ago.
I’ll be here for at least three years. So will my boat, and my boss who has spent a pretty penny with local businesses to improve his investment. I have a South Carolina driver’s license, gave my insurance money to a SC agent, and will be paying for a SC license plates in a few months. As long as its legal, am going to leave that “Land of Lincoln” tag on the front.
This site seems like a joke that neither side is bright enough to get.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Dear Northern gals. I am so very sorry . I was just tryin’ to get sum attention. I am a skanky ho and i don’t know no better. You Northern gals are all so smart and beautiful and I know that I will never measure up to any of you’s. I walk the 30 blocks to the public beach access every day and beg the tourists for a hand out. Sometimes I try in offer my swallowing skills to the handsome Northern men. BUT they aint want nuthin to do with me. Sometimes I pretend that I am stayin at one of those purdy hotels on the beach front. I even jump in the pools to get a bath. See I do try to get clean. At the end of the day, I walk home the 30 blocks and call it a good day. My lil Tammie May is only 7 years old, but she keeps a good eye on my brood while I am out beggin . I pologize for my dumb stuff i wrote on here, after all i’m only a crack hore. love to all you’n northern people, we need your money so keep comin’ back!
September 4th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Pity me. I am a Buckeye and I am fat, ugly and pasty white. I have nothing in life. Well except Buckeye Girl. We are actually the same person. I want to be a Caroina Girl so bad that I have told everybody that I am flying into SC on Monday. I can’t really fly because I am so fucking fat I would have to pay for 3 seats. I know I will NEVER be a Carolina Girl and I will NEVER be wanted in SC but I am not wanted here either. I do have one friend in my psych unit. Mommy and Daddy will visit me once a month (twice if I lose a pound). I am so proud of the Bucks but they will NEVER look my way. If they did, they wouldn’t be able to see the scoreboard. I will lose this weight. It’s baby weight. Although my son is 30 I know I can do it. Buckeye Girl said she will help me and we make a great team. In the meantime, I am going to keep pretending to be a TRUE CAROLINA GIRL. It’s what makes me sooooooooooooooooo happy.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Bubba, I mean skanky ho’, get a life, get a job’ stop blowing everyone.
September 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
The Ohioans can’t understand tides because they have nothing to do with Ohio State football. The only thing that they understand is “go bucks.” The rest of the world is just a mystery to them!
October 10th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Whoopdefuckingdo.